RED - Where the Airports are

BLUE - Rural Treasures

ORANGE -  Escape Route

Anything outside the RED circle is lovingly known as Cultchie Territory.

Anyone travelling into BLUE circled areas from outside said circle, are lovingly known as OUTSIDERS

The ORANGE route (very controversial) is the best escape route to the mainland

[ Food ]

When travelling around NI you'll need supplies. Below is a Supplies List which you'll need to print out and keep, should you ever be brave enough to go for a wee trip.

Supplies List

• Rope
• Buttered White bread (for crisps)
• Crisps , Tayto Cheese & Onion are best
• Small bottles filled with Quosh or similar diluted Orange drink
• Jaffa Cakes (high in Jaffa energy)
• An Apple (not to eat, but to trade with locals)
• A cassette with Cyndi Lauper and old Cher songs (for entertainment)

All items are to be contained in a suitable plastic "offies" carrier bag and one bag per person travelling. You'll only need one cassette, for the car.

NB* If you intend to stay out over night, include Chicken + Mushroom Pot Noodles, a Mars bar and Kendal Mint Cake.

More Later!

Wise Words From The Author

I have had some experience with trying to get to Northern Ireland. I completed my trip, which is why I'm in Northern Ireland.

Most folk from across the globe have never heard of it nevermind them knowing where it is.

Just tell them "It's just left of the Isle of Man mate, you can't miss it like." and you'll be sorted.

Our pilot happened to be Bulgarian ( I'm not one to take the mickey out of people's culture you understand) and was obviously drunk on a fine Bulgarian beer called "Zegorka".

Lost is not a word I would use, no...it is a word I would use. Lost.

In all fairness to him, he did eventually get us near home, but we were about 100 miles out (Dublin Airport) and had to be bused back to Belfast.

Everytime I leave the country I carry a map of the world, just in case.